10 Oscar-Related Questions for Insomniacs

Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan in I’m Not There.

By Mary Lyn Maiscott

1. Could Cate Blanchett play Queen Elizabeth I playing Bob Dylan? If so, would she be nominated twice for that?

2. In choosing the music for Juno, could director Jason Reitman have misunderstood a request by Ellen Page, keeping in character as a pregnant teenager with strange cravings, for moldy peaches?

3. Will Diablo Cody and Ricki Lake start a trend in snarky home births? (Midwife: Just relax into the birthing tub, this is so beautiful and empowering! Pregnant woman: No jet sprays in this thing? Is that the best you could do? Would you send the doula out for cheeseburgers?)

4. Could Bob Dylan in whiteface (he’s done it before) play Cate Blanchett playing Elizabeth? If so, would he get a nominated song out of it—“Virgin Queen Revisited”?

5. Speaking of nominated songs and sequels, can we expect Twice?

6. Has Julia Roberts, of Charlie Wilson’s War, ever stuck herself in the eye with a safety pin? If so, was this a punk thing or a grooming thing?

7. Could Cate Blanchett play Meryl Streep playing a rabbi? Oops, wrong year, wrong medium.

8. Who the hell is Michael Clayton? What the hell is a diving bell?

9. When actor Daniel Day-Lewis and wife director/screenwriter Rebecca Miller converse, is it dialogue? Does this make them scabs?

10. Will there be blood? Oh wait, we know that one—with Johnny Depp around, absolutely.

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